Month: September 2019
Category : Uncategorized
I recall listening to Elder Oaks in General Conference years ago, when he lifted some of the consequences of divorce on the members of the church, citing the wickedness of the times. My husband and I commented on the sad state of our world that the Lord was making this change. Like the law of consecration being reduced to the law of tithing because the members are polluted by the world, I see it as a lesser law of marriage in a sense. And little wonder! Have we had a single year in the past many decades without prophetic instruction regarding pornography or spousal abuse? Divorce happens in most cases because people make it an option.
My first boyfriend was from El Salvador. His mother and father had been living separately for over 10 years. I don’t know why his mother wouldn’t accept his father, I never asked. But as a part of their culture, divorce just wasn’t an option. His father lived in Washington state, his mother was in California. I’m sure it was lonely for both of them. My boyfriend was sad too. He told me his father was trying to win back his mothers favor, but didn’t know if he could do it. I have often wondered how the rest of that story went. Elder Faust said, “just cause (to get a divorce) should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being.” Though I don’t know what went on between his parents, I could see during a visit that his parents were polite to each other, and treated each other with basic respect. Just as sex education doesn’t teach that abstinence is a viable option for prevention of teen pregnancy, our worldly philosophies don’t teach that living separate and celibate lives is a viable option for married couples as well. Of course it isn’t ideal! But as Elder Faust indicated, the justification for divorce needs to be more serious than mere arguments and hurt feelings.
When we were engaged to be married, I mentioned to my husband-to-be that divorce was not an option for me. I wanted him to know that about me, and really, I wanted to know that he reciprocated the notion. I remember being a little dismayed when his response was more like “ok” like he didn’t know what I meant. Years later, when my husband and I went to marriage counseling, our therapist was surprised to hear that I would not divorce him for anything. I told him that I considered it impossible that my husband could do anything that would make me change my mind. That I would choose to live apart from him, still married and alone, rather than opt for divorce. We almost had to test it. I don’t say this to boast, rather to exemplify what I consider needs to be the resolve of all Christians (Latter-Day Saints in particular) if we are going to reverse the catastrophic trend in the destruction of our basic social unit. President Kimball prophesied that, “The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” This deep believe shouldn’t end because of what we feel like. We need commitment to action that professes our belief.
I would like to discuss the implications of this topic.
How would that belief in the family that President Kimabll spoke of manifest in our actions?
What could President Faust mean when he speaks of human dignity? How does that look different than pride?
What would be the difference practically speaking between a marriage where human dignity is destroyed and when it is merely cantankerous?
For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing. (1Pet 3:17)
Nevertheless we have not used this power (in this case, the power to end a marriage); but suffer all things, lest we should hinder the gospel of Christ. (1Cor 9:12)
I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (Phill 4:12-13)