Wk4 – Feeding Monsters
Category : Uncategorized
Before my alarm goes off at 630am, my monsters are awake and hungry.
Every so often I resolve to get up earlier so I can get ahead of the day. It lasts for perhaps two sunrises and then I sleep in.
Monsters are everywhere.
Some of them are cute and cuddly. They ask if they can have quesadillas for breakfast, no matter how often I say no. They ask to watch a movie first thing in the morning, even though they know the answer is no. They ask if I will take them to the bounce house today, even though they know I will say no. They eat at my patience and test my fences like veloceraptors. Every day.
Some of the monsters are more competent. They don’t ask, they try to get away with things. Like quesadillas for breakfast when I’m not looking. Like watching movies in a room they don’t think I’ll be in. Like being on the phone with a girlfriend when they are supposed to be working. Like a criminal with a well-thought-out alibi, they think if they argue enough they will justify any action.
My other monsters are more figurative and less literal. Like the monster in my head that rages when my husband’s school work is apparently more important than mine. (guess what I’m stewing about!) Like the monster that chews on my heart when I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see. Like the monster that I carry on my shoulders when I’m paying bills that can’t all be paid.
Elder Bendar, in a talk entitled “Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan” spoke of feeding wolves. He reminded us of the truth that whichever “wolf” we choose to feed, will be the one who grows. Wolves are powerful and can be frightening. In Alaska, where I am from, they can grow as large as a small horse. Three of them can take down a moose. And a moose can take out a car. But their behavior is predictable. So I use the term monster, both endearingly and desperately. Also because it sounds more lighthearted (I think) than calling my children wolves.
I love my monsters.
If I feed my monsters right, they become something beautiful.
The figurative monsters can grow correctly too. That monster that focused on how thoughtless my spouse can be? I feed him by serving and forgiving. It hasn’t died yet, but it transforms into appreciation for what my husband does well. That monster that doesn’t like what it sees in the mirror? I feed it humility. CS Lewis said that humility isn’t thinking less of yourself (depreciation) but rather thinking of yourself less (as in less often). I feed that monster less mirror time and more time on the things I love to do. It transforms into satisfaction with other aspects of life. How about that heavy monster that can bring panic about the pocketbook? Oof, that’s a hard one to chase away. It feeds and grows on fear. So I feed it faith. So far, no one has starved, no vehicle has been reclaimed, no house lost. Yes, many things are needful, but God knows these things. I find faith and cram it down the monsters throat and then do the best I can with what I have.
I came to earth to learn to fight monsters, to love monsters, to raise monsters.
I came to learn to change the monster in me and in my relationships by feeding them right.
Art by Caitlin Connolly