Wk6 – Maps
Category : Uncategorized
I lived in a rural Alaskan village for a few years. The town didn’t have running water except at the one and only gas station. There was a community well from which we hauled our water in buckets for drinking and cleaning.
Oh how pungent the outhouses were in the summer and how delightful it was to sit on a pee-soaked seat at -50F in the winter! (I had brothers. They didn’t have good aim.) The only eligible men were regional bushmen who ate garlic in sufficient quantities to keep the mosquitoes off naturally and who slept with their dogs. (Think wet dog and garlic flavored man odor.)
Getting there was difficult too. The Taylor Highway is the only road in or out. It was entirely gravel and took four hours of driving in optimal conditions.
It stank, it was rough, it was isolated, it was always cold and I could never quite feel clean no matter how well I used the sponge and bowl of water behind the curtain.
But it was beautiful.
I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. Though I hated being there, and was glad when my time there was over, the experiences I had while living there changed me, perhaps more than any other place that I lived.
My marriage is not unlike my stay in that Alaskan village.
Some aspects stink. Being married to a porn addict could be compared to garlic and dog flavored man sweat or outhouses. It’s isolated. I have had few people to share my burden with. Porn addiction is not something I can share with just anyone. It will likely taint how people treat me and my husband forever after. There are times when no matter how I prayed, partook of the sacrament, studied or repented, I could not feel clean inside. I hated being in those years. Living through that heartbreak has changed me, more than anything else in my life.
So I have this choice to make. Do I dwell on the stink, or the beauty? Do I pang for the years lost to isolation or take the wisdom gained and make something of it for the future?
I decided to look at the beauty.
The village that sits on the Yukon River, near the mountains, and with such remarkable beauty of the place and even of it’s people is unique, even for Alaska.
This man and I have so much in common. Our history together, our children, our common dreams and hopes. I don’t want to give that up.
I don’t want to go back; either to the small Alaskan village or to the days of darkness. But I find that who I am and especially who WE are becoming together is valuable.
Dr Gottman says, “Getting to know your spouse better and sharing your inner self with you partner is an ongoing process. In fact, it’s a lifelong process.” Dr Gottman’s first principle for Making Marriage Work is to create a Love Map; a sense of knowing each other. My husband and I have history together which I think is creating points on our map. Not everything on the map is a scenic vale. But the whole picture together is turning out beautiful. I’m glad I’ve made it this far on the adventurous road.