Wk7 – Goose and Gander
Category : Uncategorized
The saying goes, “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” Here are the geese down at my mother’s farm.
Being on a farm, observing the different temperaments of the animals, inspires in me introspection on the subject of relationships between males and females. The philosophies on the proper roles of men and women have great variety. There are tribal peoples that believe men and women should all live separately, and Christian sects that consider the highest righteousness to be celibacy. There are evolutionary beliefs that profess that rape culture is natural, and some extreme religions who subjugate or blame all women for the original sin and fall of man. For myself, I like the words of Elder Bednar who said, “The natures of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation.”
A popular relationship book from the 90’s was entitled Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray, PhD. In this book the author explains the differing communication modes and thinking styles of men and women, suggesting that men and women are radically different creatures. But in a study by Lauer and Lauer in 1986, 351 couples, married 15 years or longer, were asked for the criteria of a great marriage. Without coordinating beforehand, the first four items on a list of most commonly picked reasons for having a great marriage for both men and women were 1. My spouse is my friend, 2. I like my spouse as a person, 3. Marriage is a long-term commitment, and 4. Marriage is sacred. After that the lists diverged in items or rank of importance for men and women. So perhaps men and women are not so different after all?
The two geese on my parents farm may look similar, but it’s not too hard to tell the male and female apart. The male is slightly larger, but more than that, their behavior is different. The male will position himself between the female and anyone too close for comfort. The male also is more likely to be bold and come closer to people out of curiosity. The female I more often see grooming the male or herself, and her curiosity leads her to inspect corners and underneath shelving. Why are they different? Is it just personality, or is there a deeper nature involved?
Principle #7 in the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman, is to Create Shared Meaning in a marriage. How can two different creatures create a shared meaning in their lives?
The geese are never apart. Though he watches the humans and she looks under shelves, they are never far from each other. Where one goes, the other follows. They forage, they swim, they sleep, they waddle to and fro. Though their behaviors differ at times, they have common goals that keep them together.
So which is it? Are men and women basically different or basically the same?
I would say to both questions: YES.
Sister Linda K Burton said, “Seek to complete rather than compete.” The world philosophies of today emphasize enmity between the sexes. They demonize men and objectify women. But what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Creating common goals doesn’t need to diminish or demolish either party’s views or interests. Men and women can both totter around in life honking and investigating in our own ways and still have good friendships and a combined meaningful life.