Wk8 – Pride or Joy
Category : Uncategorized
Is this the hill you want to die on? Marriage is like a battlefield. Not because spouses fight, though sometimes they do, but because the unseen forces of evil want to destroy the strongholds of their enemy.
One day at church the class discussion was about Adam and Eve. A question was put forth: Would you leave paradise for your spouse? Many comments issued forth and the conversation began to wax philosophic. Would you leave a good job for a spouse? Would you leave your parents for a spouse? Would you leave the town your grew up in? What about the church? A man piped up and with passion and conviction established that he would never leave the church for his spouse. He emphasized that he would chose the church over his spouse every time. His fervor pretty much put the conversation to an end. Less than a year later he and his wife divorced.
Now I’ll tell you about my friend Mr Bauman. Mr Bauman was raised Lutheran, converted to Baptist, then converted to Mennonite. He married a Mennonite woman, and they have a beautiful family. Then one day Mr Bauman read the Book of Mormon. Big mistake! (sort of) In our ward we lovingly refer to him as Brother Bauman because we all know that he is convinced that the Book of Mormon is the Word of God and that our church is the church authorized by Jesus Christ. But his wife does not want to be shunned by her family. So instead of leaving his wife for a perceived paradise of faith, he chooses to stay a Mennonite and be with his Eve.
In Stake Conference last year, our visiting general authority asked the adults in the adult session to consider whether it was more important to be happy or to be right. So what if your point of view is correct and your spouse is dead wrong? What if your solution or your perspective actually was the way things really ought to be? Would you rather be right or happy? Pride fools us into thinking that somehow we are most often right.
Dr Goddard said in his book Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, “Each of us thinks we see the world directly, as it really is. If [others] don’t agree, it follows either that they have not yet been exposed to the relevant facts or else that they are blinded by their interests and ideologies .. . . Everyone is influenced by ideology and self-interest. Except for me. I see things as they are.” He goes on to affirm that, “The natural mind is an enemy to truth. Each one of us sees our own versions of “truth” and imagines that no one in the world sees truth as clearly as we do. This way of thinking is a pernicious enemy. It keeps each of us from connecting with others and from being taught by God.”
The first brother I spoke about was a priesthood bearing member of the true Church of Christ, but I think Brother Bauman is a better example to me of humility. He doesn’t need to force his wife to see that he is right, he would rather be happy in his life with her. It is important to make the distinction between happiness and self-gratification. True happiness comes from living righteously. If I want to be happy in my own marriage, I will be more concerned with being happy than being right.
